Minor spoilers Harumi Kazuhito isnt your ordinary bookworm. His entire life revolves around books. I know that may sound like hyperbole but oh no I mean that with complete sincerity. I also mean it literally but well get to that. For now Harumi is a high school boy who has dedicated his life to the pastime of reading. He basically chainreads buying up books by the handfuls burning through them at supernatural speeds and hoarding every volume he finishes. He even refused to live with his family opting instead to live in an apartment by himself so he could go to school in an area where the books he wants are able to come out slightly quicker. One day while hes reading in a cafe a crazed robber bursts in and begins to wave a shotgun around. He threatens a young woman whos distractedly writing away in another seat and Harumi gets up to defend her Not because hes generally a nice person but because he cant stand to see a fellow booklover get hurt. Yes thats how his mind works Or how it DID work until the robber blew it out of his skull. Now freshly dead Harumi decides he cant cross over to the land of the dead yet He has so many books he still wants to read including the final book from his favorite author Akiyama Shinobu. He manages to pull himself back to the land of the living with the strength of this passion So like I said his life literally revolves around books But through some mixup hes reincarnated into the body of a dog. A miniature dachshund to be exact whos kept in a small cage in a pet store even though hes not for salethis is never explained. Hes soon adopted by the girl he rescued as the connection they share has given her the ability to hear his thoughtsat least I think thats the reason? and she takes him home To murder him. Until he finds out shes really Akiyama Shinobu she finds out hes a fan of her work and she inexplicably becomes sexually attracted to him. And as it turns out these are not going to be the only extreme oddities in his life going forward as the world around him just gets weirder and weirder. Good god lets just get this turkey over with already. Studio Gonzo may have some acclaimed titles under their belt what with the Fullmetal Panic franchise and arguably Linkin Parks best music video having been produced by them but when you tally their output together the bad far outweighs the good. Theyve put out some visual wonders like Gankutsuou but theyve also let out some real clunkers like Gantz and while Dog and Scissors may not be THAT far down the ladder its pretty close to the bottom. The animation is stiff and cheap in a way thats honestly hard not to notice. Theyre clearly able to save a lot of money with the fact that the central character living in the body of a dog is able to speak telepathically without the burden of having to animate lip flaps so all they have to do is repeat animation cycles when hes on screen Be it slight movements in his fur or wagging the tuft of hair on his head But this advantage becomes stale very fast as its just a variation on the talking heads that make up the rest of the cast. And speaking of the cast Ill be honest the character designs look pretty good. If youre just looking at still images the series actually looks really crisp and pleasing to the eye. A few of the designs look a bit cliched and they all look a bit standard but theyre all pleasant to look at. Harumi makes for an adorable little doggywhich makes up for how intentionally bland he looks as a human and maybe this is a matter of personal taste but I love the design of his chophappy new owner Natsuno. Shes like a grownup version of Ai Enma who walks around dressed up like an extra from the Matrix movies and I dig it she looks really cool. I also really like the afro guy who runs the pet store. not only does his apron feature a clever Jojos Bizarre Adventure easter egg he just looks like hed be a really chill dude to hang out with. The backgrounds are also immaculately detailed with shelves full of diverse looking books giving our characters collections their own sense of personality and each characters living space is detailed enough to add a new dimension to their personalities especially in the case of Natsuno. Of course that doesnt excuse the animation. Despite what the premise may have suggested theres action in this series but considering how well it moves you may as well just read the damn light novels. The only thing that looks like it had any real money put into it was the opening which is fast moving full of visual effects and actually manages to translate the characters awkward movements into some really fun dance cycles. Youve probably seen an anime where characters imitate dogs or cats by moving their halfclenched fists in a certain way to resemble paws havent you? This opening features nearly the entire cast doing stepdances that heavily incorporate that kind of movement and its so adorable you just cant help but smile when seeing it. They also have doggy ears and tails and as a possible result of the videos fast pace its disquietingly easy to not notice this the first time watching it. This video has no right to be as fun as it is but at least it was SOMETHING to look forward to. Of course it probably helps that the song was also really catchy. Its by Inu Musume Club and its called Wan Wan Wan Wan N1 and that may sound like gibberish at first glance but theres a really popular Japanese pun behind it. Wan is the Japanese onomatopoeia for the sound a dog makes which any American would call Woof or Bark. Wan also sounds like One hence why the title begins with barking and ends with an obvious abbreviation for Number One. This actually isnt even the only opening theme to employ this pun hell its not even the best one as Working actually did it much better but leaving that aside its a funny little footnote. The ending theme is almost as delightful as its op counterpart with Natsuno flying a scissorsinspired private jet her rivals blacksuited bodyguards expressionlessly dancing in tandem and generally just a bunch of creative and funny imagery gets paired to a slightly more lowkey but still catchy song with the bizarre name Lemonade scandal. I wish I could tell you more about the music but unfortunately I barely noticed it at all during the show. I guess that means it was doing its job? I cant remember ever hating the music At least not as much as generally everything else And I can vaguely recall tapping my foot to a few funsounding tunes. This is normally where Id be looking up each individual track online but I can only find one by the name of Mieta Kibo and god help me it sounds absolutely divine. I guess that shouldnt be a surprise as its credited to one Akito Matsuda who Wikipedia says WAS in charge of the music of the series but since theres only one track available online Id have to rewatch the show to hear its ost And Id rather stick a thumbtack through my eyelid. Thankfully hes done the soundtracks to a lot of other recent anime and now that Im hearing some of it I suddenly REALLY want to watch Sound Euphorium. His composition as Ive heard was the one and only interesting thing about Glasslip so Dog and Scissors music was probably just as solid. The English dub is Well its weird but hey this is a weird show. Its a mix of bizarrely enthusiastic standouts and adequate okay performances with thankfully no real duds to speak of. At the very worst some of the casting choices are standard just the actors we know coming and doing their thing catching an easy paycheck off of a role that they were suited for. Chief among these is Blake Shepard who Im normally not a huge fan of playing the lead role of Harumi and while his delivery skews the line between hammy and wooden whenever his character is excited he manages to nail it whenever hes supposed to sound serious or sarcastic. And then on the other end of the spectrum you have Jessica Calvello an actor who Well if you assign her to one of your characters youre pretty much bringing out the big guns because putting her in any role but the lead is fucking overkill. Luckily shes playing one half of the titular pair here and her penchant for hitting a wide range within one single character adds a level of insanity that makes Natsuno far more tolerable than her disturbingly subtle Japanese portrayal. There are other actors of course and Id like to bring up Luci Christian as a highlight because she put an absurd amount of effort into a suicidal selfblaming character And the adaptive script is really good at localizing the dialogue without straying too far from the original intent although it does fuck up once towards the end and make i sound like someones responding to Harumis thoughtcomments But I really want to skip right to the second half of this review because I have a lot to say about the writing and meat of this anime and none of it is pleasant. So let me just say that the dub is good and Id highly recommend it over the sub because the sub just sounds too grounded which makes a lot of its more problematic elements harder to stomach. The dub gives it more of a wacky and bizarre personality allowing you to mentally remove it from the harsher implications of a lot of its socalled jokes. Then again maybe thats just me being dumb American and not appreciating the Japanese language or whatever. If youre going to watch this I recommend doing it in English. Right now that thats over with Ive been holding this in for far too long. If I havent already given this away Dog and Scissors is bad. Like its really really bad. Its not funny bad Its not interesting bad Its the kind of bad that I only place among the worst of the worst which for me is a list that not even School Days has been able to crack. I actually hesitated to write this review and even thought about stopping a few times because I honestly dont think a review is necessary. This is the kind of show where you can immediately tell whether or not its worth watching Yeah its ironic that an anime revolving around books would be so easy to judge from a glance at the cover. In fact heres all you really need to know to get a feel for the series: A woman adopts a puppy because she wants to kill it and then spares it because she wants to have sex with it. I know thats not entirely fair and its taking the scenario out of context but its not inaccurate either. That literally happens and further details dont do much to improve things. Everything about this series Well aside from the music dub and art Is either stupid confusing or awful. There is not one redeeming quality outside of those few production efforts. I could do an entire Inconvenient Questions post about each individual episode but I wont because watching this show twice in my life was twice too many times and I cancelled IQ for a good reason. Thus Im only going to focus on my biggest problems with this series. For starters I failed to mention until now what the biggest connection between Natsuno and Harumi is. He cant talk being a dog but she can hear his thoughts. This might not bother you but it bugs the hell out of me His thoughts arent treated like thoughts but like regular conversation. She hears him as though hes speaking. Thats not how thinking works. You never stop thinking. And yeah you could SAY that she can only hear thoughts he sends to her but this also isnt true because the only reason they met is because his thoughts from elsewhere in the city were distracting her and she tracked him down. Right there its established that not only can she hear his thoughts without his consent or knowledge but that theres a long range and she cant shut it out but there are possibly thousands of instances in the series that directly contradict this. Why does she ask him questions? Why does she ever think hes lying about something? You can hear his thoughts He shouldnt be able to lie to you Why do you each read a book at the same time when you should just be able to hear him reading it? Did his thoughts distracting you from writing just stop? Did that problem go away the second you decided to not murder him? If you were able to track him down to the pet store he was being kept inlike a parrot why do you EVER have to look for him in order to find him? Im sorry I really am but this entire premise is so frustratingly inconsistent that I honestly found it distracting throughout the series. Even comedies No especially comedies Have to take themselves seriously to enough of a degree that they pay attention to fucking detail. Oh and speaking of comedy have you noticed how small Natsunos breasts are? Good because I just spoiled at least 60 of this shows comedy. The other 40 is largely made up of BDSM and animal cruelty. I dont like speaking in absolutes but I have to say this: In anime jokes about a female characters bust size are never ever funny. Im not saying that because such humor is sexist or meanspirited although they are both of those things Im saying it because that is THE most overused joke in anime history. Characters bringing up cup sizes happens more often than tsunderes overreacting to misunderstandings and thats saying something. The only time I can ever remember a boobsize joke being funny was in Yamadas First Time when Yamada was imagining what her best friends life must be like with big boobs getting all jealous but then we get a glimpse of said friend having to apply lotion to herself because of how much the damn things chafe. See that was a clever subversion of expectations and its an example of how hard a boobsize joke has to work to even be kind of funny. Dog and Scissors relies heavily on this idea but it doesnt put anywhere near that level of effort into it. Despite the fact that hes not into real live women Harumi is constantly berating Natsuno on her bust and even when he isnt shes constantly seen obsessing over it. It gets to the point where I was seriously wondering why Natsuno didnt just get a damn boob job already. Yeah I know I shouldnt promote a shallow image of beauty and people look fine just as they are but plastic surgery can help people who have confidence issues relating to their appearances. Natsunos a grown woman she makes her own decisions she lives independently off of her success and she clearly has Seto Kaiba levels of disposable income lying around so why doesnt she just get some work done? Oh right because that would take away the one lazyass joke that this series keeps on dragging out of the dumpster to try and amuse us to the point that even a dead horse would tell them to stop beating a dead horse. And speaking of Natsuno try to wrap your head around this Shes twenty years old hasnt written anything since she was 19 and is implied to have a bibliography that would make Stephen King jealous. Shes written a ton of novels spanning all types of genres and at least six of her books are thick enough to contain at least a few thousand pages each. By the time she was 19. Not only is she considered one of the three top bestselling authorsthe words In Japan is never attached to this so its fair to say they mean worldwide but the other two who we meet in this series are also young ladies of a similar age. Hell her most vocal rival spends most of her time as a pop idol The worlds best selling authors are seriously three teenagers? Did any thought go into any of this? Even her threats to kill Harumi dont add up to anything as all she ever does is cut off portions of his fur which grow back in less than five seconds And yet he still acts terrified of her every single time she attacks him. Hey dumbass she may say shes going to cut off one of your ears but I think youre gonna be fine. And honestly even its focus on books and reading was completely shallow. All Dog and Scissors knows is that reading and writing are things. Possibly fun things. Possibly lucrative things. It knows they exist it knows theyre important to people but it has no deeper understanding of any of it. Not only do we never find out anything about Natsunos books outside of their titles and a seven deadly sins gimmick we dont even technically know if theyre fiction or non. Harumi is extremely pretentious being that he loves to read he deifies books he defends books from critics he judges peopleeven his own damn murderer on whether or not theyre readers and get this He has no defined taste. This moron would probably get his jollies off reading the ingredients on a packet of McDonalds ketchup. This series knows as much about books as Adam Sandler knows about video games. We never find out what literature means to anybody but it wears it on its damn sleeve. And if any of you are holding out hope that the plot and mystery aspect might have something to offer dont. Harumis killer is found and dealt with so early that it cant even be considered a spoiler. It turns out that after killing him the killer had time to rob him before running away and has been hiding in the second apartment that Harumis been keeping secret from his family AND his landlady. Chew on that for a moment. They find him they chase him down and it turns out hes got Natsunos six thickest books hiding in his coateven though theyd definitely be weighing him down and banging into his body while he was running and he uses them as weapons in the worst anime fight scene since Master of Martial Hearts. She beats him and gives Harumi the choice to either kill or spare him all while Im screaming Neither Call the fucking cops Oh and we never meet his parents we hear nothing of any funeral he has no drive to get his life back and we meet his sister but Hoboy. Had to dip into the incest shit didnt you? Bottom of the barrel wasnt low enough? Dog and Scissors is available on both DVD and Bluray from Sentai Filmworks and its available both in dubbed and undubbed formats. The manga and light novel are not available stateside. Im not gonna lie guys this was a tough one to get through. The only reason I even bothered is because I was on hiatus for a few months and I needed something especially bad to rage on. Thus I figured why not an anime where one of the biggest running jokes is the main character commenting about shit not making sense while completely missing the bigger picture each time? Like I said before the artwork and character designs are good the music is serviceable and the opening and closing themes are awesome but these are really the only things it has going for it and theyre the only qualities that pull it up from a possible 0 score and I havent even scratched the surface of whats wrong with it. It falls apart if you give it even one seconds worth of thought which is why I have to wonder if the people who enjoy and defend it checked their brains at the door or at birth. I dont condone threatening violence against dogs with a pair of scissors but this is one tail that definitely should have been cut short. I give Dog Scissors a 1/10.