It at once is the antithesis of creativity and a testament to everything that can go wrong with ambition in art it is the enemy of creativity itself Lets give one final farewell to Hand Shakers the show that broke my spirit 10 times over see you in hell An idiot who thought this shit would end. In an ideal world something as broken Hand Shakers would have never been made. Unfortunately we live in a society where something like this can get popular as a punching bag garner a prequel OVA a sequel series and several stage plays despite flopping both critically and commercially. Understandably by the time this sequel was announced almost no one cared anymore. A sequel to Hand Shakers is frankly that unfathomable. Its like making a sequel to Ride to Hell Retribution or Battlefield Earth. No one asked for this and yet its here. Its not only here but its rocking enough product placement to impress Michael Bay. Why? Any rational human being would have shitcanned this heap ages ago or at the very least worked on other projects before even considering attempting this again. However director Shingo Suzuki is not a rational human being and neither am I as I watch Studio GoHands drag its name through the mud a second time. Wasting time by dissecting the nightmarishly awful and consistently contradictory worldbuilding is fruitless. Tackling all the fresh new ways Wz adds nonsensical terminology conjures up nonsensical contrivances contradicts its own predecessor and breaks its own franchises established rules even before it reestablishes them itself is pointless. Its also a good 5K words no one wants to type or read about when I can just say the first condition Hand Shakers introduces for losing is for your team to stop holding hands and they broke it immediately. Wzs grotesque predecessor made all this into a fucking hobby so of course this show follows suit. How else can we have a team consisting of a melee and a ranged fighter without breaking the one rule of this franchise for the umpteenth time? How else can they allow literally every character to not hold hands and suffer no repercussions even when it makes no difference to their fighting style? Needless to say they shouldnt have even bothered telling us what the rules are when not only does the show constantly break them but the characters themselves dont even know them. The dialogues as heinous as ever with mesh being spammed to hell and back and characters actively describing both their own and each others personalities to each other. The monologuing is exactly as insufferable as it is rampant as well. The mere concept of this show this entire franchise even if it didnt get contradicted constantly by these sorry excuses for screenplays is inherently broken. This is all shit weve heard before. Its literally just Hand Shakers but with a music video theme and vibe and a cast of overthetop gimmick caricatures meandering for minutes on end while hanging out with our bland returning cast. The only things new are the new pieces of convoluted nonsensical lore terminology and gaudy religious references about God and language and the Tower of Babel and whatever. They do try to bring in some personal drama for the old cast but thats as far as anything goes in terms of actually trying and the characters are so badly written that I couldnt begin to care. No amount of poorly and predictably placed backstories will ever change that especially when said backstories dismantle the already mindnumbing pacing and episode structure. The characters motivations and arcs are beyond nonsensical as well. Its pointless to even discuss the writing any further since even the original Hand Shakers wasnt burned in effigy over that shit and thats despite this animes narrative somehow being even worse. Two years ago I claimed that if it wasnt for the obnoxiously bad visuals that were supposed to be seen as visionary or innovative almost nobody would be talking about this franchise. To think Wz would prove me right. Hand Shakers was the apex of a saga of GoHands pushing the envelope in how much garish blinding inconceivable shit it can add to its signature style before the audience throws up and retaliates. Now that theyve jumped back theres nothing really to discuss nothing new to get angry about or sell this series as a disasterpiece with. Sure we can bitch about the abysmal vehicle weapon and pedestrian CGI which is as prevalent as it is disgusting. We can complain about the awful camera and background movements the frame rate dips and terrible choreography all we want. Same goes for all of the unfinished choreography and nonexistent animation terrible color and character designs blinding filters needless and illconceived camera tricks. None of it is new. Not even the blatant stock assets and reused footage are worth noting beyond the fact that a sequel should fix all of this kind of shit and that none of this should have made it past the initial pitch back in the franchises inception. Even going into detail with how the show actually looks good during the few times the show lets go of most of this tackedon glitter and makeup in episode 1 is old news at this point. The best I can do is praise some of the nifty shots and editing tricks the first episode pulls early on which are reminiscent of cheesy music videos which this show attempts to emulate. Other than that its all dead air and retreaded ground. Even the needlessly abysmal and frequent attempts and 2D and 3D CGI compositing isnt a startling talking point anymore. You wanna know the real kicker here? The first 30 seconds of this show took my breath away. We hear someone whistling as he walks before an impressive fisheyed lens shot of skyscrapers before switching to Doctor Strange style kaleidoscopic imagery of the city. Barring the shitty CGI and garish lighting filter sandwiched between these impressive sequences it actually painted the picture of a promising anime with a music video aesthetic. Imagine my disappointment when it went back to doing the same shit that made Hand Shakers so reviled. Its as if Shingo and his team at GoHands knew what they were doing and chose to trick people expecting something new. If that doesnt sound wack to you then you might actually enjoy this dumpster fire. The OST is almost as uninspired and badly implemented as it was before except now they added FUNKY FRESH BEATS AND SHIT Its also as badly edited as the music in a bad student film. But hey at least they came up with a track or two that works in a vacuum and they even worked up the courage to put an orchestral battle theme in the midst of all the elevator jingles. Again barely even half of these tracks are good and some dont even fit but when I have to stretch this thin for compliments anything goes. The only thing of note left is how surprisingly reserved this show is with its OST which is for the better. Then again theres no use even trying to compliment that cuz even when this show corrects a mistake its a mistake that should have never been thought of in the first place. Its not a competent sequel just cuz they added some beats to a dry OST to make up for their shitty fucking OP and ED or because they dialed back on the eyesearing AIDStacular visuals they had no business going this overboard with for like 5 minutes before hopping right back into doing everything as wrong as possible again. Its just backpedaling lazy lifeless stupid backpedaling that means nothing to no one. In some ways its even worse than Hand Shakers because as repugnant as that piece of shit is its so avantgarde in its awfulness that even when separating it from how its the culmination of a studio taking its style too far it would at least make for a piata worth bashing even if that ones still the more insufferable of the two. Theres honestly no point in going any further. Its been two years and nothings been learned or gained. Not even Ive learned to stay away and I didnt even plan to watch this until a friend I moderate for put this on his stream. The worst part is: I wont even really be able to get closure on a franchise thats haunted me for years anymore as just when we think its dead it comes back. This isnt even funny anymore. Its honestly depressing. This is the kind of thing that would make even the most rosetinted anime fan jaded towards this industry. Its a cruel joke with schmucks like me serving as the punchline. Wz is the purest example of a director and studio taking the piss. At what point do we draw the line? When do we decide to stop watching and begin avoiding and boycotting this thing? When will they decide to move onto a brandnew IP and let the dead horse lie? When is enough going to be enough? When will shows like this truly be a rare occurrence to be forgotten instead of a common underside that reincarnates four times a year in an evergrowing incestuous ouroboros of pain and suffering for everyone involved? Not now not with a lazy worthless waste of time so up its own ass it pronounces its name as Wise. Written and Edited by: CodeBlazeFate Proofread by: Peregrine
11 /100
21 out of 30 users liked this review