Have you ever finished something and thought to yourself:
We've all been there at one point or another of our lives. With all the media we consume, it's statisically impossible for us to look at every single thing we watch, read, or listen to and honestly say:
Sometimes, you just strike out. Everybody knows that anything below a 9.5 out of 10 is mediocre at best, but what about true stinkers that fall even lower? What about things that are just so bad that you just want to point at and screech the word bad but your vocal cords fail you and you cannot utter the word to show you that truly detest this work of fiction and therefore think it is lacking of any and all quality?
What are some alternatives to the word bad? Terrible? Awful? Horrible? Stupifyingly horrendous? But what if all of these alternatives fail as well? What if something truly is just that bad?
Well, I have a foolproof alternative for you!
Aguu Aguu Ga Ga (also I'm gonna spoil the entire fucking show so)
Aguu is a 2018 original mistake brought to us by Studio Deen and it's...
I learned in the process of writing this review that Aguu is actually originally a Chinese web manga. So this is actually an adaptation and not an original anime. Which explains various things about it...
...it's just so bad. It's just so... goddamned bad. Not even in the same vein as EVIL OR LIVE as well. Like that show was so bad that I found myself at least laughing at some points. But this?
This was just misery. Even if I were to try and force myself to attempt to write a positive review of this series, there's just absolutely nothing I could say without it being a blatant lie. Like if I'm at the end of your series wondering what the fuck the point of it all was and you're like obviously trying to hint at a season two or continuation...
Like why. Who greenlit this? More importantly, who wrote this? Because in addition to nothing interesting or compelling happening throughout the entire show, the writing is just stupifyingly horrendous.
When the show introduced this horrifically irritating mother character and her son, I didn't think that was going to become the main core of the show. Nor did I think there were gonna be multiple twists to her character. An initial twist, and then they twisted it even further.
Wow, not only was she perfectly aware that the fortune teller was scamming her and her son, but she herself was a major pillar of this evil organization that harvests and distributes Aguu? Wow holy shit that totally wasn't an asspull! And to do it right at the very end of the show after she makes this big show of her leaving her son to the old man after clinging to him in every single other scene.
I also didn't think the blonde apprentice character who just flies off the handle and starts setting shit on fire was gonna be exiled from the show a handful of episodes in. Meaning since the "main character" contributes absolutely nothing to the show, the old man character would have to do 100% of the fighting.
I mean if you're not gonna actually teach her to do any of this Taoist supernatural bullshit or whatever then why exile the only other character who can actually fight just because he's an idiot when you're up against a global wide organization who harvests the souls of every famed or talented person who's lived and also sometimes just straight up Gods and/or Goddesses???
That's a pretty fucking stupid thing to do if you ask me. Especially when you know one of the members of this organization has murdered at least over one hundred Saviors by himself.
To be exact, he's murdered at least 139.
I also didn't think that the relationship between the main character and her friend was going to be treated as a subplot even though that would have been infinitely preferable as the actual main plot.
No instead, she gets burned alive as a result of the main character's actions, then gets revived and made evil by the big bad evil man, and you spend like what feels like thirty episodes waiting for her to come back to try and get the main character.
Meanwhile the mom character is still just all like
"AND THEN TO HIDE MY GENIUS SON FROM THE EVIL BAD GUYS, I MADE A DEAL WITH ONE OF THEM BUT THAT MEANT I HAVE TO GIVE HER MY PROFESSIONAL BASKETBALL PLAYER HUSBAND"
and then you're just like please for the love of god stop.
Like the opening which is the ONE even remotely good thing this series has makes it seem like this series is gonna be this out of control crazy and insane horror action show.
Instead, it's just complete shit. I should not be able to call a series centered around the trafficking of harvested human souls a BORING NIGHTMARE. Like the early episodes certainly weren't good but you at least had some goofy and weird stuff this like oompa loompa bug creature man they had to fight.
But then this woman and her son gets introduced and I really cannot understate how terrible she is. For the show to make such a big deal out of her leaving (presumably for good) only to just have her immediately come back to save the day amidst the climax of the show was... just such a perfectly Aguu of a turn.
Granted, something had to happen since before this point, the final battle is her son waging a math war with the evil bad man of the entire series. This is not a joke or a fabrication in any way. Math wars. Like the idea of them waging a battle of intellect because both the big bad guy and the kid possess deities of wisdom isn't a bad idea in theory.
The problem comes when you actually have to illustrate this said battle, and it's required to look and act as an actual battle. So what do you get? Each of them doing rapid fire increasingly more difficult addition while trying to be faster than the other.
And that's really the closest thing to an ultimate showdown we get. The old man who was supposed to fight the bad guy got his shit kicked in singlehandedly. So that's how we end up with the ending of the annoying mom pitching season two to the big bad guy in exchange for sparing her dear darling son who she had managed to keep hidden from the big bad Aguu man up until this point by purposely making her son dumber than a box of rocks with voodoo magic or some shit.
Also like at one point, the mom literally betrays the old man and the main girl and the way she does away with the main girl is accusing her of... having inappropriate sexual relations with her son???
"GET AWAY FROM MY SON YOU FILTHY FUCKIN' PEDOPHILE."
"but mom what about the bad people who want to turn me into a small creature soul thing to harness the power of the goddess I'm possessed by"
"POLICE, PLEASE DON'T PAY ANY ATTENTION TO WHAT MY SON IS SAYING. HE'S A FUCKING IDIOT. THIS GIRL IS A FUCKING PEDOPHILE PLEASE TAKE HER AWAY TO THE DUNGEON."
Yeah okay, the mom is already really unlikable and... like that is not a light accusation to just fucking throw at someone. Especially someone who has more or less done nothing but go out of their way to try and help you. But yeah then this leads to main girl ending up in the slammer where she meets probably the second worst character of the show.
Like in most of my reviews I don’t even bring up character designs but holy mother of christ what foul manner of beast is this.
She talks in an annoying way, she’s easily the ugliest character of the entire show barring the mom, and she herself (and thus also the original creator of Aguu) admits and thinks she’s annoying and ugly. But our protagonist for some reason takes a liking to her, I guess because of how just open and honest about herself she is…? But… you could still be open and honest while not striving to be as obnoxious as you possibly can be???
But hey, befriending this creature worked out for our protagonist because as a result she busts the protagonist out of jail because apparently I guess the police were 100% sure she was a confirmed pedophile??? Anyways, the ugly girl leaves the prison too but in a limousine or some shit with servants and you don’t have any fucking clue what the fuck’s the deal with that until the end of the show because she never shows up again.
But when the annoying mom at the end of the show started going on about the like different pillars of the Aguu community, it clicked in my head and I realized that ugly being from before is totally another Aguu pillar. Because that’s the only thing that would explain that character. But at the end of the day, her entire purpose in these twelve episodes was to bust our main character out of jail for being accused of BEING A PEDOPHILE.
I mean, why was that not a conversation that happened between the protagonist and the annoying mom when they ended up meeting again after that??? But no, I guess it’s just water under the bridge!!!
Oh, actually, speaking of the Aguu pillars thing again, guess who also is a pillar of that? The old man Savior. Or rather, the Saviors this whole time were in fact originally a part of the Tailor community. Even though the rest of the series really makes it seem like the Saviors are a completely separate organization that arose in response to the Tailors? I mean it makes sense that if your group was formerly a part of this other group that deals in harvesting essentially human souls, that you wouldn’t exactly be open about how your group was originally part of them. But why would the big bad evil Aguu man still need confirmation from the Saviors to create the ultimate super Aguu???
Like if a group leaves your group in the aims of taking down your group, then wouldn’t removing any authority or privileges in your group be the very first thing you did in response? Instead no, the annoying mom assures the big bad evil Aguu man that in addition to getting the rest of the Aguu pillars on board with letting him create the ultimate Aguu that she’ll like I guess water board this old man into saying yes as well???
The most important character of the show: “SPARE MY IDIOT CHILD AND HIS MATH GODDESS, AND I SHALL SINGLEHANDEDLY WORK TIRELESSLY TO ENSURE THAT YOU WILL CREATE THE ULTIMATE AGUU AND THUS BECOME AN ULTIMATE GOD RULING THE EARTH.”
Ai (the protagonist): “I’M SO FUCKING GLAD WE TRIED SO HARD TO HELP YOU. THANKS.”
So the mom’s second betrayal essentially defuses the entire climax of the show and even though the big bad Aguu man was fully winning, accepts her deal and just fucks off and then the show ends. Oh yeah, and that whole plot with Ai and her friend which was supposed to be the main plot of the show? Well, her friend finally confronts Ai and kind of reconciles with her but only after scarring her face because Ai abandoned her to burn to death and she actually kind of has every right to be pissed at her.
But then rather than fully reconciling with her, she also just fucks off and despite that entire conversation, still decides she’s evil?
...So the show ends with nothing. Nothing’s been solved whatsoever. Just a whole bunch of time has essentially been flushed down the fucking drain unless Aguu season 2 actually genuinely emerges from the darkness one day.
But hopefully that day never fucking comes.
...Honestly, I just want to note I wasn’t even going to fucking review this.
Even halfway through when the show had already transitioned into a horrifically boring nightmare, I still was just not gonna review this. When the big bad antagonist shows up and starts wreaking havoc and one of the only characters you have to throw at them is this kid’s dad who is like a basketball player that got traded to this evil Aguu lady for the son’s safety and he…
Like sure he almost kind of successfully battled off some Tailors earlier in the show while donning his basketball attire but he's just a fucking normal human being. What the hell is he possibly gonna do? Also, how did he even know where they were? What?
...It’s just too bad. I can’t take this seriously. Nobody should take this seriously. And that's the reason why I wasn't gonna review this whatsoever. It's not bad in an interesting way, it's not bad in a funny way, and there's no fucking single piece of criticism that I could offer to make it not bad. Other than you know, to just throw the entire fucking thing out and start from scratch.
But the farther I sank into this show, the worse it got. I kept thinking there’s absolutely no way it could get any worse, but then it did.
All I wanted was crazy horror nonsense. Hell, didn't even need to be horror even though it clearly tried to appear as such on the outside. I mean what the fuck, the show is about harvested HUMAN SOULS.
"Please sow three human souls into me so I can be better ballerina!!!"
Even if I actually did somehow enjoy this... this show, I wouldn't be able to defend that terrible fucking climax. Every single character (except for the blonde Savior guy who blew shit up and I guess ugly girl) comes back into the show just in time for this fight against this evil big bad Aguu man who's finally entering the scene himself.
And everybody else fails. The old man Savior basically immediately gets taken down, basketball player dad is just a fucking basketball player, his new Aguu wife's strings are completely ineffective against him, math kid's sick arithmetic skills pale in comparison, and Ai's busy getting her face scarred up by the friend she effectively tricked as well as abandoned to burn to death. Not that she could have done anything anyways.
Who's going to stop the big bad Aguu man? The blonde guy who after getting scolded just disappeared from the show entirely and thus is due to appear again? Certainly, it couldn't be the mom character who is singlehandedly the worst part of the entire show and yet for some reason becomes the character the show is entirely centered around!
They had an entire scene dedicated to the mom leaving her son to the Saviors implying that she would finally trust her son to someone else rather than investing in an Aguu person to make charms that would decrease his intelligence to hide that he's walking around with an actual Goddess perched on his soul. There hadn't even been that many episodes since that happened!
...Aguu is a fucking Aguu of a show, and I give it a 5 out of 100.
Please don't watch this. Even masochism has its limit.