0. intro i want to find the perfect way to describe all the things this made me feel. id be lying if i said that i dont cry easily for the sake of making this seem more impactful. so i guess the best way to put it is that i havent felt that same type of pain since arcane. and if youve seen arcane then you should know what i mean by that. and if you dont well. i want you to know a few things: 1. if you go into this for the gl aspect ive got no right to stop you but i want you to see this for what it is. and what it is goes beyond a gl beyond a yuri beyond a love story. 2. you will cry. spoilers from here on out. wouldnt recommend proceeding if you havent read it yet. i. the asshat fianc upon reading the first few chapters i was hesitant. it felt wrong seeing midori kiss maki like that only to have her invite maki to her wedding soon after. i thought this woman must be insane cheating on her husband like that kissing someone else and then inviting that someone to her wedding. youre breaking two hearts here i dont like cheating plots. i despise ntr. i hate anything that frames dishonesty as romantic with a burning passion. but i had a gut feeling. i had a feeling that it would be more than that better than that. i was right. when we including maki first meet tazune we get a glimpse of who he truly is. tazune is...to put it simply a dick. tazune doesnt see women as women. tazune sees them as pawns. Girls are cute right? Theyre weak and cry a lot and theyre easy. tazune is the type of guy you wouldnt even want to catch a glimpse of. unloyal abusive manipulative. his behavior the dishonesty manipulation abuse lack of loyalty all of it is somewhat him trying to get back at the girls whod lied to him when he was younger. hes your average misogynist. maki sees through him the moment he speaks about midori. the lack of respect the belittlement he spoke as if it wasnt his own fiancee as if he didnt love her at all. makis anger only grows from then on. ii. the childhood lover your introduction to momo makimura is quite simple. a childhood lover who still hasnt moved on. midori had broken up with her out of the blue saying that they needed to stop fooling around. at first its going to infuriate you. fooling around?? youll think. was what they had nothing to her?? but at some point i understood. midori was young. and the young are not one bit more immune to painful mindsets than the elder are. what midori said came from a place of uncertainty and internalized homophobia. the idea of women loving other women being fooling around wasnt a mindset shed decided to have all on her own. those ideas were planted into her mind by outside elements like her family perhaps or the people she was friends with. while the manga doesnt actually show much of that part of midoris backstory i think that one thing you should do as the reader is understand. but of course when midori comes waltzing back into makis life speaking as if everything that had happened between them back then was nothing but young and dumb fun youre bound to raise a brow. Its that bad habit of mine. midori copes by laughing things off. she laughs because shes afraid of showing how she really feels. because if she does she might lose everyone she has left and midori... shed rather lie her tongue off than ever be alone again. iii. loneliness fear cowardice for maki fear is an old friend. it enters her room without knocking drapes its arm over her shoulder and greets her with a smile on its face as if to say did you miss me? maki is many things. but above all else shes afraid. afraid of midori walking away from her again afraid of her heart breaking again afraid of not being good enough for people to stay. her cowardice comes from that fear. she never says what she wants to say because shes afraid of whatll come next. and then theres midori. her fear of loneliness influenced her so much to the point where she tossed herself into an abusive relationship and convinced herself that it was fine that it was normal that it was okay. because everything was fine as long as she had someone right? wrong. at some point midori begins to break. the cracks that tazune had made worsened enough for everything that was left inside to spill and its then that she realizes it: this isnt what she wants. she cant just settle for anyone. especially not when makis just waiting for her like the light at the end of a tunnel. both of them though both deathly afraid of speaking for themselves out of fear of being left behind finally fight for themselves. for each other. iv. closing thoughts though this was one of the most painful reads ive had this month i can also say that this was wonderfully comforting. it was a nice sight to see all these characters that felt so human. so real. so flawed. and those flaws are written so well that you dont hate them for it at all but instead understand and love them all the more. i really dont regret reading this and i hope that you wont either. bonus: on komari nikaidou ive said far too much now but i think id be breaking my own heart if i didnt say at least a few words about komari. the moment she hesitates after being asked if she wants a boyfriend and then lies and says that of course she does i think thats when she became a favorite character. i understood her. the way she acted all confident on that phone call with maki only to fearfully lie about herself in front of her friends was something i understood. i know what it feels like to be that afraid and to cover it up with this false confidence ive spent years perfecting. to put it simply that was just a very long way to say: i love you komari 3