At the time of writing this its been about 9 hours since I finished Zaregoto. I turned the last page on my computer read the last words and silently looked at myself in the mirror with a sense of confusion. It was an off day so I spent some of it listening to Pharoah Sanders Karma 1969 watching a review of the latest Playstation showcase going out with my friend to specifically get a shrimp burrito all the while processing what Zaregoto would be to me now the final page was read and the book series closed. Honestly I kind of shot myself in the foot getting into this series in the first place because I saw it at Barnes and Nobles and found myself enjoying the first novel buying the next 2 only to realize that the following 6 werent licensed and Id have to go through the hell of Ereaders and fan translations when a core appeal of owning the novels was the physical artwork. Staring at my white computer screen for hours unironically gave me headaches and completing the series was a long and often tiring process and I even felt a sense of relief that I didnt have to open up Calibre again to read some more of Nisios ridiculousness. Despite all my gripes I find Zaregoto to be one of the more interesting series Ive completed within my time in anime/manga/LN fandom one that will definitely evolve and change and my ever evolving perspective on life that changes experiences with media that get warped by its nostalgia tinted glasses. I think thats a worthwhile paycheck after a 4 month slog Ill at least give myself a pat on the back in this review and real life. Ill probably say it right now but this review is intended for people that have actually completed Zaregoto it probably wont have spoilers but if you actually want to read Zaregoto then just go to Decapitation: Kubikiri Cycle entry and read the reviews there theyre great primers. What is Zaregoto? Zaregoto is the debut novel series by author NisiOisin whos trademark style has been codified by works like the Monogatari series Katanagatari and Medaka Box. The work came in at a time when independent writers inspired by anime media began to create works for an insular crowd of like minded otaku Think Kouhei Kadono Ryukishi07 TypeMoon ect. In spite of being just one ship out of many that rose from this tide Zaregoto was beloved at its time enough to get a western release at the time when few light novels ever touched foreign shores. And it sold horribly. Chalk it up to poor exposure or Nisios eccentric style people were just not interested in this japanese pulp fiction when they could just turn on Haruhi and see cute girls dance while also getting theyre auteur self awareness fix. Still you can find a scant few blog posts writing about this weird light novel that had some Shinji inspired led twisting that honkaku style mystery story structure. A small cult following was created from the second book where the nonsense user starts showing his true colors. But it took a while before book 3 ever arrived. Flash forward to 2020 the Monogatari anime series has wrapped up after a 90ish episode run over about 10 years Katanagatari has had its own anime by studio white fox steinsgate rezero ect both of which have COMPLETE NOVEL BOXSETS NisiOisin has become a household writers name even outside anime circles and Zaregoto gets its 3rd volume after Vertical tries to resurrect the series. And it sold horribly. I find all of this to be kind of a funny but tragic story of the book series that couldnt and it truly is sad that Zaregoto never got to spread its wings even when both creators attached went on to have illustrious career in spite of it like its meaning never matter in the first place but to be moved on from to greener pastures for reference Take went on to create illustrations for the Pokemon mainline series of games so make that what you will. All thats left is a dedicated series of fan translators and about 500000 english words of Hitoshiki X Iichan fanfiction written on a couple PDFs. So with all that said why read Zaregoto? Why come back to this forgotten tale from the past? Why go through the trouble of reading fan translated nonsense on a computer screen when you could just go to your book box and pick up something easier? Ignoring hipster cred the main appeal was the evolution of the main narrator told through a truly nonsensical story whos perspective and literary style melts your brain into a puddle before hitting you with some genuinely heartfelt introspective moments. A rejection of narrative driven fatalism and an acceptance of adult responsibility Iichan is 19 literally my age coincided with the regaining of humanity for a boy who lost his soul years maybe even decades ago. After the events in volume 6 Iichan easily made his way into my favorite characters and his connection and interactions with the other characters always felt like the best parts of Nisios other works. There were times earlier today when I thought about how Nisio weaved the story in a way that was planned from the start until I remembered one of the more nonsensical aspects of the plot that reminded me that I was referring to Zaregoto not Dostoevsky. Ok lets not joke around Zaregoto is like really god damn stupid sometimes. There are killing names and cursing names and thirteen stairs and other nonsensical organizations people just go missing then just show up 7 volumes later like nothing happened at all humans who literally die in the narrative come back to life humans that cant die whatever the hell that means conspicuously die and Iichan has the capability to sustain a ridiculous amount of damage only to spend his time sitting in a hospital bed a conically large amount of time in the story is just Iichan laying in a frickin hospital bed another unfamiliar ceiling... and the solutions to the murders of the first 5 volumes are so laughably nonsensical that it ruins and faith in the setting as some place within reality. I mean you know why this works that same nonreality is transplanted into our view by Iichan but his rejection of it leads him down a road of nihilism and isolation until he realizes what hes lost and fights the nonsense of the world with his own nonsense a fight he almost always loses in comically thick headed ways. Thats the thing about Iichan hes not your smart ass Ayanokouji brooding type that solves every mystery he sneaks his way into like some weird edgelords power fantasy hes a lot more like Hachiman AKA stupid. Hell brute force his way into the narrative only to get himself into situations he has no reason being in only for Aikawa or Hitoshiki to bail him out in the most laughably fun way possible. The best part about it is that its relatable. You see I dont want to get too philosophical but were weak as people. We constantly hurt and see fault in others lash out and miscommunicate find meaning in lies when the truth of that matter exists somewhere without conscious consideration and our own arrogance causes wars that lead to nothing but death and destruction. The nonsense of the world is something Ive always been vaguely aware of but Zaregoto brought it into view how not caring about any of it is the path I might take. Iichan knew this the man telling us the story from volume one is a deeply one might even say fundamentally broken person whos outlook turned out to be something I unfavorably took solace in. Its easier to go through life like none of it will matter whether in the end or ever at all and groggily neglect the people that truly from the bottom of their heart care about you. Whether through circumstance or coincidence that person turned out to be Tomo Kunagisa someone who would love and care for Iichan no matter what but that isnt enough for him. Whether that was by design or a freak accident Iichan and the reader both know that Ii and Tomo have lost something that theyre past had took with them something they move forward unwillingly without. The Iichan from volume 9 is not that person anymore hes changed. Or maybe he hasnt. We could never know in full clarity the circumstance that brought Iichan to Wet Crows Feather island but what I know for a fact is that Iichan ends the series in a way that I could find respectable. He didnt end a single life he didnt take on some drastically new occupation or move away from the people hes been introduced to the story as being in community with hell he didnt even end up with any of the other girls I thought were much better fits for his personality Its ok Asano is left open for people like me . He just so happened to come to a realization with his own personality a straightforward self reflective honesty that allowed him to realize what he wanted out of life. The Zaregoto series was never really about any of the nonsense that fills up its contents despite all of it being vaguely enjoyable as narrative fuel for speculation what ends up remaining after the final page is a resolution to live my life in a way that accepts all the understanding with myself with the capability to wish for that which will bring me true happiness. Or maybe its not and its all just nonsense... but it doesnt really matter either way.