This was a very difficult manga for me to read. I have been struggling with selfconfidence and body image problems for many years. This isnt something I normally chat about but I am what most people would call a fat person. I am approximately fifty to sixty pounds overweight and it can be such an intense challenge living with my appearance and how my appearance makes me feel on a daytoday basis. My goto clothing consists of slightly baggy chinos and longsleeved oversized shirts in an effort to help diminish my obviously round and plump figure. So when this manga dove right into all of the reasons that our main characterNoko Hanazawafeels so compelled to eat all of the time or why she chose to resort to dangerous tactics to lose weight I was stunned to silence. I felt like I was reading a private journal that I had written and hidden away somewhere at least to a certain degree. The manga begins by showing the reader a glimpse into Nokos thought processes. She views herself as being fat and ugly and it makes her sorrowful. These toxic feelings are then validated by how other people treat her. Many people call her a pig or ugly without ever trying to be discreet about it not that that would make it any less shitty or harmful. A lot of the comfort that she obtains to combat her inherent feelings of negativity stem from food. When I read the first few pages I was immediately drawn into the manga all the while wanting desperately to put it aside. My skin crawled with discomfort and recognition. I have lost count of the number of times that people have looked at me with disgust or have made rude and judgmental comments about my physical appearance to my face let alone behind my back. It is not a good feeling. It makes you feel like youre completely worthless and a terribly hideous thing that needs to be caged away in a room somewhere. This is one of the major reasons Im such an agoraphobic. In Clothes Called Fat takes these feelings and slams them onto the pages of this manga to exhibit how fat people deal with being fat and Im not talking about all fat people because many of them dont have insecurities and rather they feel empowered in their bodies which is so fucking amazing and how social expectations of beauty are ridiculously harmful. We have this preconceived notion of how being stunning can only be accomplished if youre a size two and how this superficiality is rewarded timeandtime again. A good example of this is with Nokos job. She was a coworker who absolutely loathes her simply because Noko is a bigger girl. As such she goes out of her way to constantly get Noko in trouble. Because Noko is so frightened of people who can blame her really? and shes quiet and reserved no one believes that this skinny and gorgeous woman could be the one at fault. We also see how society looks at fat people especially women by the clothes that are in this case are not available to them. In one scene Nokos coworkers give her a bad time because her brassiere is old and a bit tattered. She has an inner monologue about how difficult it is to find beautiful clothes when you are in the double digits of sizing. This was another portion of the book that hit me straight in the gut. Sexy lingerie was something I was really into when I was younger but after I put on lots of weight the sexiest thing I could come across that wouldnt cost me a couple of hundred of bucks was a cotton nightie that looked like it was for someone much older than me. The feelings of depression and the selfdeprecating thoughts that come afterwards are indescribable. Nokos story isnt the only one that we get to experience in In Clothes Called Fat. While shes the centrepiece we also see how smaller people can feel threatened by fat people. One of the women feels so threatened by Noko that she makes it her lifes ambition to completely destroy Nokos sense of self in every way imaginable. There is a man who is dating a fat woman for the most illogical reasons conceivable: it makes him feel safe because he knows she cant be taken away from him and it also makes him feel like hes doing a good deed somehow because this fat person could only be so lucky to have a boyfriend/significant other at all. Its some very fascinating stuff to read because of how fucking real and close to home it can be. There is a whole other message to In Clothes Called Fat as well: unhealthy obsession with weight loss. Noko becomes so unbelievably fixated on losing weight that she uses all of her money to join some fancy weightloss spa and then begins her treacherous journey into bulimia. I have never been bulimic but I have in the past starved myself for weeks on end and attempted a plethora of pointless diets. I never had the money to invest in weightloss programmes or I may have done that as well. But if Im to be utterly frank here I have had thoughts of bulimia in the past. Its one of those things that in the very back of your mind you know is an absolutely outrageous decision yet your present feelings of inadequacy or so overpowering that you become desperate enough to do anything more so when the voices everyone laughing at you and insulting you keep resonating within your head. Bulimia is not healthy in any shape of form. Its damaging and deadly and thats how its depicted in the manga. We see how becoming bulimic affects Nokos physical appearance and how instead of allaying her insecurities it amps them up even further and its literally all she thinks about. Losing weight that quickly and in such an unhealthy fashion takes a severe toll on her physical body making her appear quite scary and ghoulish. I think my favourite part of the series however are the small portions that highlight how Nokos body isnt something to be shunned and stowed away within a dark room. She has a chance encounter with someone who tries to tell her that her body is beautiful with all if its curves and the shapes. While it was slightly creepy given the circumstances I also understood what this individual was portraying. I have only ever had one person in my life share a similar opinion with me. Everything is further intensified by the art style. The drawings take on the classic sketch type appearance and feel untidy and slightly cartoony but this is done intentionally to showcase the messy thoughts of our main character. Her emotions and mental wellbeing are portrayed via the artistry in ways that help create an even more haunting and discomforting reading experience which is perfect given the material. While it can be offputting for many folks its definitely worth taking a gander at nonetheless. Its so easy to get caught up in the shallow and superficial meanings of what beauty is to the point of losing yourself entirely whether physically or psychologically. In Clothes Called Fat is an excellent manga that truly centralises that point and I believe that anyoneregardless of gender or body shapeshould take time to read this story. The topics are some that are rarely discussed particularly in Asian communities and are the ones that need the most attention especially in todays climate where loving oneself and hating oneself seems to be a very strained balance. If you are interested in checking out more works by this author I recommend trying Sakuran which is a historical manga about a young prostitute that deals with similar themes. 7 outta 10.