As I approach my 21st year celebrating my departure from my mothers womb my disarray over the connotations of adulthood makes me want to retreat back inside from whence I came. Doing the opposite of healthy rehabilitation by actively seeking out manic pessimistic series for the last few years Kabis My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness was a forlorn blessing along with Welcome to the N.H.K. and Neon Genesis Evangelion. Unembellished ugly and hurtful Kabi depicted the universal harshness of posthigh school life and isolative entrapment within familial companionship that transcended the esoteric barriers of clinical depression and eating disorders. There was no dramatic epiphany upon its conclusion as Kabi instead clarified my despondency towards my awkward and ongoing transition to adulthood. Despite her cute chibi artstyle Kabi had encapsulated the ugliness of burdening societal expectations loneliness mental illness and family. Privileged as I may be compared to Kabis situations she nonetheless dragged me by the arm into her despairing rhythm and I sought for more in this sequel recounting her life after the success of My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness. 520https://i.ur.com/SGQNZL6.png Dear Diary While the prequel had a straightforward and selfexplanatory title I was a bit mystified with solo exchange diary. Was it just simply a diary seeing as how solo and exchange negated each other? Upon light research la Wikipedia I came across this tidbit of information: Entries take the form of a normal diary. There are however subtle differences. While an entry might talk about a persons day or activities since the people last met the entry will be written in a different way. The writers rather than being totally honest with themselves will instead be writing what he or she wants the reader to see. The format of an exchange diary can also be good for therapy because it gives someone a platform to write about her problems and experiences. Sometimes a lack of honesty can be an issue. However the same is true in facetoface therapy settings. As long as the patient remains aware of not being totally honest progress towards wellbeing is possible. Which gives the title much more nuanced context being that Kabi does the sheer opposite of an exchange diarys purposes. Exchange diaries hinge on reader expectations rather than the authors truth much like how society and Kabis family hinge on their own fixed expectations of Kabi. At the same time however the truth is embellished as well. As much as an autobiography has to do with reallife events and individuals that doesnt necessarily include objective truth as this is accounted from a single individuals own perspective of events. The therapeutic sense of an exchange diary reinforces Kabis storytelling. Rather it is the storytelling and a great choice at that. The clumsy pacing of events undefined story structure and author narration twins with Kabis lessthangracious lifestyle and dilemmas. Because it doesnt follow a solid threepart story structure. My Solo Exchange Diary really does feel realistic in the sense that that there is no easilyspliced structure in Kabis life. 520https://i.ur.com/kF2I10y.png A healthy family is a happy family My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness concluded with various unconcluded issues. One key issue being Kabis tense relationship with her family. This and the fact that she hesitated revealing the privacybreaching material she wrote to them was just a volcano waiting to erupt. Family dynamics are difficult and annoying. Its hard to discern whos right and wrong in anothers family drama because youre not part of the household. As such Im sure many of us have been hit with Theyre doing/saying that because they love you in response to our rapidfire complaints of them. And in the case of Kabi its the same. Especially with how her emotions towards her family often shifts from anger guilt depression gratefulness and others its difficult to exactly conclude if she loves or hates her family and whether her family is as villainous as she depicts. Which is how I believe what having family is like a blur of emotions and tied by obsidianclad rope. I love how I couldnt onesidedly sympathize with Kabi or her parents. In My Solo Exchange Diary my breath momentarily ceased when Kabis parents find out about My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness from another source than Kabi herself. And to say the least it was gutwrenching. Kabi hadnt been aware of the massive consequences of her writing too focused on the cathartic sense of it to realize that itd stir up feelings of betrayal guilt and embarrassment for her family. Numbingly thrashing her copies of the book with her fists until they were dyed deep red and attempting to overdose on pills I certainly hadnt expected a happy outcome to the reveal but was nonetheless crushed imagining how it played out in real life. The only remotely happy resolution to this however was her grandmothers warm smile and quiet praise. Confessing secrets to ones family is hard. Ones family finding out the secret by themselves is miles and miles more gutwrenching. Despite the expected support of those with shared blood and the accumulated closeness we share theres no discerning what their reactions will be. And for Kabi it was just as she had expected. Disappointed and embarrassed her parents were the farthest from warmly welcoming their daughters career. Despite their relationships moderately improving by the end as they hold a warm celebration for Kabis release from the hospital and Kabi taking her parents for a trip with her own money theres no definite guarantee that their dynamics will flatline with the slight optimism it ended on. 520https://i.ur.com/1OFJIMY.png 520https://i.ur.com/BAGkit4.png The cycle goes round and round One of Kabis defining traits is her perennial swishswash of emotions. She frequently contradicts herself and continuously changes her feelings about a matter especially with her mother. Theres rarely any defined lasting development or regression in her character. She suffers from panic attacks in one chapter then feels momentarily rosy in the next. She chugs massive intakes of beer to cope one day then productively works on her manga the next. This is what gives the story its atypical structural flavor in that story and character development dont exist in a smooth upwards or downwards direction. Its merely a broken revolving laundromat washing machine forever rinsing Kabi on cold. 520https://i.ur.com/YZ0SYZv.png Blob Kabis art is a great driving force behind the depressive narrative as well. The chibi artstyle and pink palette color tone of course contradict the serious subject matter of the story. Its cute and often amusing seeing the blank and deadpan blobby facial expressions. Beyond the character designs however theres surprising detail going into other aspects of the art. The most clever and appreciative aspect of the art is the symbolism. Kabi often inserts easytounderstand visuals describing her intangible thoughts and feelings such as an infographic of happiness and loneliness. For less technical depictions Kabi physically abuses herself with gaping holes in her abdomen and bloody knife wounds. It felt as if I was reading a psychoanalytic childrens picture book. The background art should also be praised. Smoky blackness is present in nearly every panel to depict the severity of Kabis current state of mind and she implements some other subtly clever tricks and techniques to portray the present tone. 520https://i.ur.com/vnXPrCZ.png 520https://i.ur.com/xTL9Wpa.png 520https://i.ur.com/cWe1EGx.png Conclusion Kabi continues to struggle and deviate from her ideal life and expectations of those around her in the sequel to My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness. Forlorn and depressed Kabi stumbles face first into the dirt as she deals with several consequences that trailed off in her previous work. Her family clinical depression selfharm and alcohol addiction are anything but development from where she had left off. Life is ugly hurtful and changing and so is Kabi. Kabi depicts herself as a cutesy chibi figure yet none of her humanity is removed in the process. The pretty pink palette choice does nothing to deflate her cumbersome experiences that have occurred and yet to occur. Just like its predecessor My Solo Exchange Diary has no definite end. Kabi will continue to both progress and regress as life throws at her unforeseen joys and tragedies. This isnt an underdog story or an inspirational anecdote what Kabi wrote was to digest the events in her life. Rather than a story My Solo Exchange Diary is a therapy patients shaky musings. Its ugly its beautiful and its soothingly painful to read when youre also listlessly wandering about in life. 420https://i.ur.com/SVJzT39.png